Gulbadan

After having a thoroughly enjoyable time listing the daily activities of Palestinians in my previous post, I have now decided to do the same for the diverse and troublesome ethnicities within our glorious country.

Let’s start with my own:

Punjabi

1. Wake up.
2. Comb moustache.
3. Have cholesterol-enhancing and fattening lassi for breakfast.
4. Buy new Naseebo Lal cassette and play while driving tractor.
5. Spit. Blow nose and clean with kameez.
6. Go to cinema to watch Saima movie.
7. Ogle at picture of Saima in wallet.
8. Beat wife for serving cold tea to guest, and also for not looking like Saima.
9. Beat all seven kids for being loud.
10. Scratch groin.
11. Go to theatre and watch Mastana in stage play.
12. Watch Nargis ka mujra in same play. Whistle.
13. Jerk off to Nargis ka mujra when home.
14. Eat mutton karahi. Curse and go to bed.
    

Sindhi

1. Wake up.
2. Curse Punjab for using all irrigation water.
3. Curse Mohajirs for occupying native land.
4. Till fields with stone-age tools.
5. Apologize to landlord for taking one more bale of crop than was allowed.
6. Give daughter to landlord in exchange for that extra bale of crop.
7. Sleep on floor.

Mohajir

1. Wake up.
2. Try to wash up. Curse random people for lack of running water in Karachi.
3. Curse Punjab for hijacking culture.
4. Curse Pathans in general.
5. Praise Miandad as greatest batsman to ever play cricket.
6. Tell kids about massive ancestral home in Lucknow.
7. Look down upon rest of the country.
8. Go to beach and throw banana peels and toffee wrappers. Curse inefficient administration for failing to keep Karachi clean.
9. Listen to latest Altaf Hussain speech.
10. Go to sleep, cursing authorities for lack of electricity yet again.

Pathan

1. Wake up.
2. Put naswar in mouth and get high.
3. Curse America for ruining spiritual fatherland in Afghanistan.
4. Make trip to spiritual fatherland in Afghanistan.
5. Bring back poppy.
6. Make charas and distribute across nation.
7. Eat undercooked lamb and tasteless pulao.
8. Consume green tea and burn fat.
9. Host Mullah Omar.
10. Buy new weapon from shop down the street.
11. Kill neighbor using new weapon.
12. Sleep content.

Baloch

1. Wake up.
2. Clean shoes for tribal chief.
3. Blow up gas pipeline.
4. Fish near Gwadar coast.
5. Blow up railway track.
6. Host rest of Taliban.
7. Blow up policeman.
8. Cook lamb.
9. Sleep.
   

// posted by Sohaib @ Saturday, May 27, 2006