Gulbadan

The recently concluded test series between Pakistan and England will sadly be remembered for all the wrong reasons. And I say this not because I have any sympathies with any side about the events of the last test, or that I feel offended and humiliated as a Pakistani, or that I feel cricket as a game has suffered and a bad example has been set for all stakeholders. Heck no, that's all bullocks. The only reason why I'm sad, and why you should be so too, is that now another incident of equally magnificent and dramatic proportions, and having a thousand times more comic potential, will now be ignored and put to the sidelines while the rather mundane, repetitive, as-old-as-Pakistan's-pace-dominance issue of ball tampering and all that jazz will forever remain in the limelight as far as this fascinating series is concerned.

The incident, of course, is Inzamam's hit-wicket dismissal in the third test at Leeds. Now, for all those who know even a little bit about cricket, and watch it for what it is (an entertaining game), this particlar five-second spectacle ranks right up there as one of the career-defining moments of Inzamam's long and illustrious career, one that is thankfully filled with events of similar, or slightly lesser comedy.

For those of you who were unlucky enough to miss it, let me try and replay it for you to the best of my narrative abilities. For those who witnessed the moment of glory, read on and play it in your head all over again. You know and I know that it's worth it. Hah.

So it all started when the bowler decided to pitch the ball a little short. Sadly the bowler was a spinner, so when he pitches it short you expect Inzamam to get on his backfoot and smash it. This time, sadly, his bearings were screwed up, his hand-eye coordination absent, his attempted sweep a pathetic miscalculation. He ended up receiving the ball on his chest. This, as we all know, is a blow to kill all blows, ranking almost right up there on the pain threshold with the mythic kick in the nether regions. What followed was utterly spell-binding! Inzamam twisted and swiveled nimbly, as if having been wrapped by an electric eel, and realized that he was going to fall on his stumps. Since he is a smart man, he obviously figured out that that wasn't the best course of action, and hence decided to somehow avoid that calamity. To do so, he displayed levels of flexibility and skill that were on par with and reminiscent of legendary Olympic gymnast Nadia Comaneci, and actually attempted a summersault so as to hurl his magnificent body over the stumps and avoid dismantling their perfect arrangement. The plan would've worked to perfection, but for his measly hands, for while he was engaged in his acrobatics, his hands clipped the bails. So, while the rest of his body sailed over the stumps in a wonderful display of dolphin-style showmanship, it all amounted to nought because of his measly pesky meddling pair of gloved hands. It was sad from a certain angle, and comical from all others.

Funnily enough, Inzamam and his bro Mullah Yousaf have been involved, over the years, in a rather large number of comical dismissals, never disappointing the casual cricket viewer with some top-notch entertainment and an odd story or two for their grandkids. This, though, takes the cake. And the whole bakery, for that matter.