Gulbadan

So I've written previously as well about the glorious time I spend in LUMS doing an Accounting and Finance major. Now to set things in perspective, let me tell you a little bit about this thing. It is, at the same, both the most coveted as well as despised discipline any poor chap can ever hope to enroll in. Coveted it is by those impressionable freshmen and sophomores who come to LUMS with the hopes of graduating with a fancy degree and earning big bucks for the rest of their lives in a luxurious, air-conditioned corporate office while being completely and comfortably detached from the hassles and downright nonsense of everyday lives of the general population of this great country. Despised it is by those jaded social science majors (most of whom happen to be extremely attractive and/or hippyish ladies) and quasi-Marxist instructors who take it to task and ridicule it for training students to become blood-sucking corporate sellouts with no knowledge or skill that is relevant for the social development and uplift of this nation. All fun stuff, I must tell you.

Now that we have the general viewpoints out of way, let me delight you with my own thoughts (which are always cheerful and merry to the extreme): the ACF major (Accounting and Finance for short, you imbecile) happens to be the most useless, boring, pretentious, nonsensical, inept major one can ever have the misfortune of doing. Not only are most instructors incompetent and banal (on my fingers I can count only 4 instructors I have enjoyed studying under, out of which one has been kicked out for sexual harrassment no less, hah!), but the content of the courses, and this I admit with a heavy heart as those turd-y Marxists have been proven right, teaches us nothing of great relevance to even Pakistani capital markets and corporate suck-ass-dom, let alone about practical social development! The same, repetitive thing has now been taught to me in 3 courses! Some courses, moreover, have been bordering on torturous. No wonder no one doing the major knows what the point of it is, and half are now taking a Amreekan exam (that wretched CFA) to get a supplementary degree to better improve their prospects of working in a thankless, meaningless job.

So, after careful deliberation and extensive research, I've concluded that only two career and livelihood opportunities are available to the average ACF major graduating from LUMS (Actually, by extending this analysis only a little, one can also apply the same conclusions to that other godforsaken place churning out similar, corporate-minded-and-otherwise-useless drones, IBA in Karachi). They are:

1. Working in a place like Jahangir Siddiqui or some other random "investment banking" company, trying to justify and analyze the behaviours of habitual gamblers operating in the wretched and corrupt Karachi Stock Exchange

2. Counting soaps and shampoos at Procter and bloody Gamble. (No offense to two brilliant and dashing batchmates of mine who are looking forward to a thriving and illustrious career there. Actually, even my mother and a few other people want me to go work there and count soaps for a living, so I might as well be writing this damn thing from a desk there in a year or so)

At least the interesting bit is that both prospects involve me living in Karachi and consequently waiting for a bomb to rip my insides open in the middle of Saddar. Nice.